Fear

I made a last minute decision a few months ago and signed up for all the St. Louis Frostbite series runs and although I had a rocky start for the first race, I learned my lesson by the 2nd race and my 3rd became my PR for 1/2 marathon time for nearly 3 minutes.

1. I forgot it wasn't a 5k race - it was a 12k - and taking it out with a 6:30 pace turned into walking some cramps off by mile 4 - just as a new Cher Llyod song came on "... who do you think you are.. a super S-T-A-R??"  well.  this 135# body that hadn't paced faster than a 9minute minute in 3 months had to slow down and walk it off.  very humbling.

2. I decided to do as all the t-shirts and bumper stickers say to do "Stay Calm and..." (Run slow).  I held a 9 minute mile pace for the first half of the 11ish miles and was bored out of my mind.  I picked it up a bit for the 2nd loop but felt the length of every foot step.  I really felt like a slug and I was jealous of every single person zooming on by me.

3. Just like the Goldie-Locks - the first one was too fast, the second one was too slow - the third one was "Jjjuuussstt riiighht!"  I held around a 7:50 pace for all 13.1 miles and hit a PR for the 1/2.  and although it was a 2 lap course, I felt amazing and focused the entire time.


Since I do all my best thinking and reasoning in my sneakers - I started to form a hypothesis.
Explaining my point here may take a small back story....

I swam my senior year of high school and in college and was very passionate about it.  When I first started, it was obvious the sport came easier to me than others and by my 3rd season of swimming, as a sophomore in college, my times were dropping like crazy.  My great and wonderful coaches, Paula Miller and Yun Qu, use to tell me all the time - keep a good pace, stay strong and work on finishing hard.  And well, I never listened.  I always took it out fast and then held on.  She would write down my 50yard splits for the 500 and point out the 4 second differences... until one day my junior year... I took it out faster than I had ever taken it out and held the pace within a second.  

I raced without any fear.  Every time.  I didn't care if i "died" because every time I took it out fast, my time was faster.

until my senior year.  After an excellent season my junior year - I had expectations for myself.  and that created doubt about reaching my expectations.  and the doubt turned into insecurities.  And I'll tell you what - I had some PRs that year in some races - but it never felt "sweet!"  I was never excited - all I wanted was more and better.  I had set the bar to an unrealistic and unattainable level.  and as each race brought my closer to the end of my college swimming career, my Fear grew stronger and racing became less and less enjoyable.

So, back to how this fits in with running in Forest Park.  There has been a woman who is running the long Frostbite series races, slowly.  She has become my true inspiration for conquering this "Fear" I had let into my athletic mind 5 years ago.  Her presence reminds me that asking questions fueled by fear like"will I finish? will it hurt? will people lap me?..." doesn't make any difference in the world while you are racing your own race.  

Without any words, seeing her running with a smile on her face tells me to relax and keep going.  I can do it.

No Fear.

( I wonder if this no fear attitude will help my nervous bladder at the beginnings of races?  those bathroom lines are always so long!!)

Crafting my 2013 Goals

Inspired by USA Triathlon's article on Goal Writing... I have decided to make a few official goals.

Now the article is great, but I also know a few goal writing tricks from physical therapy school.  And since I am just a little dorky at times, I am going to write my Triathlon 2013 goals using the preferred method by most academic institutions.

ABCD Technique... A for Audience, B for Behavior, C for Condition, D for Degree...
...while following these simple rules...

1. Observable and measurable
2. Specific Results
3. Qualitative and quantitative criteria
4. Demonstrates success and performance improvements

And just to make it challenging... I will write at least one for each domain - Cognitive, Psychomotor, Affective, Interpersonal.

OK - deep breathe - here I go.

COGNITIVE
I will be able to change my bike tire tube without any verbal and tactile cues in under 2 minutes.

PSYCHOMOTOR
I will complete a 1/2 Ironman triathlon within 2013.

AFFECTIVE
I will compile a full athletic portfolio and resume and send it to a company sponsorship application.

INTERPERSONAL
I will present a Learning Meet-up on Injury prevention within the community.


Might be dorky, but I just love when you can apply one area of knowledge to enhance a different skill set.

<3 <3 2013.  Happy New Year.

The stars aligned!!

Lately I have had trouble finishing up at work in time to get a good run in after work - so I grew up. And I have been running in the mornings like the rest of the grown-up running world...

But on Monday - a Christmas miracle occurred. My work schedule for the day was almost unbearable to look at - 34 units, and evaluation and an 1 1/2 long meeting (on a normal day I have trouble doing 30 units without an evaluation or a meeting within 8 hours). So, somehow... I made it out of work around 4:30.

Now again. Usually I'll leave work between 4:30 and 5:30 and it takes me about 45 minutes to make it home 13 miles through the traffic... On Monday I was home in 17 minutes and I didn't even drive That fast!
I fed the dogs. Played fetch for a few minutes and still had time to spare before heading over to South City.

Over to South City to enjoy a group run up and down the streets where each house is decorated to the 9s. I had so much fun!! I can't wait to go next year!

Marathon training...

This feeling is so familiar - increase in appetite, sleeping like a rock, lack of focus on those days I miss my run...

I am 3 weeks into an intermediate marathon training program and even though this is my first marathon, the physical and psychological changes are something I have been through many times before. Except this time the soreness isn't in my triceps- it's in my quads and hamstrings.

I swam in college and for a US team after college. In college, we would start the season off light but about 3 or 4 weeks in, we would be doing 2-a-days and 'dry land' training every other day. The increase always took my appetite by storm and I would suddenly be eating 6 times a day and still not able to ever fill up. I thought it was awesome! Guilt free eating!! Then, after college when I joined a South Florida team with Coach David Wright, I realized those college workouts were for sissies. Ten weeks of 10,000 meters a day. Whoa. For those of you who don't know how much that is... It's a lot.
And it wasn't only the appetite that grew. I felt changes in my body I am not I can fully explain in words.

1. I was eating everything - at all moments. I was constantly hungry and would eat at least once an hour for every hour I want in the pool. In the mornings, I would eat bites of sandwich between sets... Bottomless pit.
2. My arms and back were sore - but so was my skin. I felt like the skin on my upper back was being stretched as my muscles were hypertrophic. My shirts were starting to fit funny... (Not to mention my breasts went from a full C to a B... And have never recovered.)
3. I started to count my distances and logging times during practices. I became obsessed with the numbers. I had entire workouts, splits and stroke counts memorized.
4. I never wanted to miss a practice - in fact I never wanted to miss a single lap. It always felt like Cheating. I would do almost anything to make sure I was in the water on time. If I missed out on an entire practice I felt grumpy until the next time I could be swimming.
5. Outside of the water, whenever my body was horizontal - I was asleep. Instantly. It was like magic!!
6. And lastly - all I ever wanted to be doing was swimming. If I was awake - I was thinking about when I would be in the water next.

So now that I am into this running program and have almost doubled my mileage - I feel these symptoms starting to set back in...

And in less than a month I have gone from going "urrghh I should run today...." To "when can I fit another run in? Should I run twice today?"

The challenge I will have with this marathon training will be to find the balance in this and avoid the obsessive mindset.

Wish me luck!!




(Picture taken after a snow shoe run in Hollis Nh)

On Island Time

Well its been almost a month since my last post - whoops.

So I got married.  That was fun!

... in KEY WEST!!!

It was pretty much awesome.  and everything was Perfect.

but, I have been neglecting this blog since a few weeks before the wedding and during my honeymoon (I figured my wife might not be too happy with me "blogging" on our honeymoon?!)

She was nice enough to let me swim, run and bike in the Keys whenever I wanted. That's why I married this woman - she gets me.

So within 20 minutes of arriving in Key West, I had my cap and goggles on and swimming in the freezing cold water.

My new nephew wasn't far behind...

On my second day on the island, I ran 6 miles to the house my family was staying in.  I met my 18 year old brother for "a workout".  After his vacation in the Keys, he had to go back home just in time for basketball tryouts and he wanted to make sure he was still in shape.  So, we did not 1, but 2 different crossfit workouts in a row.  Damn.  I'll point out this was on Wednesday.  I got married on Saturday and still couldn't dance with my arms over my head...

For the rest of the trip and our honeymoon, I stuck mostly to running every other day, enjoying every flat road and long bridge I crossed. Gotta love the keys.

With just a few days left on our honeymoon, Denise and I rented bikes from a doggie named "Porter House" and his owner at 

Overseas Outfitters

and biked over the Old 7 Mile Bridge - but you know me.  Biking the bridge was beautiful but I wanted to run it too. So Denise biked by my side and I ran down and back.  Denise saw 3 "HUGE FISH!!" jumping.  I saw none. hum.

And well, I just Needed their really fun bike shirt.

Anyways, the whole trip went by really fast.

But something started to happen while I was there and actually turned into a memento for me to "enjoy" even when I was bake in St. Louis...

Calf pain.  I know, I know.  I am a physical therapist and still can't seem to diagnosis myself.  

At first I thought the worst.. Blood clot.  Since it started just a few minutes into my first run in Key West - but it was happening on both sides by mile 2.  And got a little better with stretching. Can't be a blood clot.

So then I started to think it was tendonitis- posterior tibial tendonitis to be exact.  But I could not figure out why the heck it was happening all of a sudden, and why was it hurting just a few minutes into my runs?

After some research and logical reasoning - I started calling it a mild compartment syndrome of some sort.  In the keys, my fingers were so swollen I was having trouble wear my new Wedding Rings... so, maybe my calves and ankles were swollen too?

So, it should just go away when I come back to St. Louis right??

well, nope.

I have tried 3 runs and averaged about 4 miles for each with pain in my calves starting about .5 to 1 mile into the run.  It's been kind of a bummer.

The good news is that I have this awesome new bike shirt!!  So, It's been getting some good quality show time all around town and in the park.  Denise even thinks I look like a "real bicyclist" in this jersey.

And since I can't bike in the dark and I can't seem to get out of work M-F before the sun sets... I have started a 2 week trial at Title Boxing Club - Rock Hill.  which has been different and fun.  and enlightening... (note to self: more Ab workouts)

Ok - so there is my update on all my workout adventures.

and now I am tired and have plans for an early morning attempt at running more than 4 miles...

<3

The Bar

Disclosure: this is a post mainly meant for me to re-read next time I decide to go to the bar...


Being a 20 something year old - the Bar life still tempts me every now and then...

My coworkers haven't ever had the chance to see me after a drink or so - and even though I warned them I am a "2 beer queer", they still wanted me to join them for a night on the town.  and why not?  I'm young and can stay out late and have fun right?!??

All week I had been looking forward to the weekend - forecasted to be 60 - 70 degrees and beautiful.  I had a 12 mile sunrise run planned for Saturday morning, followed by a bike ride on sunday morning.

I went out to the bar on Friday night and had 3 mixed drinks over 4 hours - we ate goat cheese tapas and watched some circus chicks perform on the rooftop deck at one of the tallest building in St. Louis.  We laughed and danced a little, watched all the awkward men try to hit on women in really really high heels.  I wore my flats and a wedding band and enjoyed the people watching.

It wasn't until the next morning that I knew I had made a mistake.  How is it that I always seem to forget what being hungover feels like.  and so...  I sat on my couch for hours on Saturday and sunday mornings watching "America's next top model........ and I am really disappointed in myself.

I didn't eat breakfast until 2pm on Saturday and still felt drained and tired when I woke up on Sunday at 7.

So here is the note to myself - I enjoy a nice long run, a swim or a bike ride WAY more than being hungover.  And a beer or glass of wine once in a while is ok - but just always remember that 2 drinks come with repercussions in my stomach and liver.

Escalate

Denise, my partner, is worried.

We were out to dinner a few nights ago and I mentioned that the registration for the April Go! St. Louis marathon was discounted until Nov 1st. This started a whole discussion...

When we started dating - I only ever ran 3-4 miles a few days a week. I was swimming 3-5 miles 5 days a week though. Now that I am not swimming nearly as much, I have been running 4 or 5 days a week for the past year and my distances have gone from 3-4 miles to 5-10 depending on how much sun light I have.

So she is worried I am escalating. I told her - yes - that is the point!

"when will it be enough?" she wants to know.
"When I feel tired." but this answer doesn't seem to answer her question.
"In the spring it's a marathon, the summer will have more triathlons - but what about 2014?"
And since it is 1/2 a bottle of wine in - I admit my plans for an ironman.
"And then what? Ultra marathons?"

In order to understand Denise's anxiety about this topic you have to know that she believes that people who spend hours every single day training for these Long events must not have anything better to do or must be bored with their family life - because she simply does not understand that Drive that makes people get up to run at 4am or makes someone enjoy a 70mile bike ride on a Saturday morning.

So this is the part of the conversation with Denise that I have to talk her off the ledge. She thinks I'm not happy with our relationship?!?

I quickly tried to explain that it's really the opposite! I am very happy which gives me the confidence to take on a new and scary challenge. And that my long term plans of an ironman are because I feel so grounded in our relationship. And that I know I actually need her love and support in order to reach these goals...

It doesn't seem like enough though.

And then the real concerns comes out... "when are you going to have time to help me with all my projects around the house - re-doing the kitchen, bathroom, closets, basement..." The list is never ending.
So I did something I really hope I don't regret as I stand at the start line for all these challenges in the future - I promised I would not let any training interfere with helping her around the house.

But - I know she loves me and loves the drive and energy I have. I know that as much as she does not understand how a 5k is just not enough anymore, she will be cheering me on at each milestone along the way!

Plus she agrees that an ironman tattoo would be perfect as a coverup for the Aries tattoo I have on my wrist...